saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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