Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
