I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
