I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
