there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
