and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
