i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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