god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
