The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
