if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
