believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Liz is crying about burritos again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You ate ashes out of my bong
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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