You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
