btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
