I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
