Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
