Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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