I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
