my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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