i was born a porn star she said
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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