Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
