No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
