her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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