so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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