How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Houston, we have a blender
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
