I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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