she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
