you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
