so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
