Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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