If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
