Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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