I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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