He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There r osticjed everywhere
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
