I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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