Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
