Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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