I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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