Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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