i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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