Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
