Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
