just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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