Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
