so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
