forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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