I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
