I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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