FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
