so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
