Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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