I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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