I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
