From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
