Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
