Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
