Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
