i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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