YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
