sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
