i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
