You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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