I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
