I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
