i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
