I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
