Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
